


It's Always Sunny In Dublith

by cloudboi



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Greed accidentally acquires children, but with swearing, ill add more tags as I go, this is just fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26798539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudboi/pseuds/cloudboi
Summary: “And I’m winging it, great, aren’t I? Nothing’s been set on fire, Ed’s not dead in a ditch, and Izumi only mostly hates me anymore!” Greed thought he was doing a splendid job, frankly.____a half-frozen child wanders into the Devil's Nest in the middle of a snowstorm. it only goes downhill for Greed's reputation as a cold hearted bastard from there.
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric & Greed, Edward Elric & Greed
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	It's Always Sunny In Dublith

**Author's Note:**

> happy October 3rd! it's about time i dive into this fandom on ao3  
> i have so many wips and haven't published any part of any of them  
> so here's the beginning of one of my fluffier pieces, feat. baby Al and Greed being softer than he likes

At this time of day, the Devil’s Nest was supposed to be… well, not brimming with patrons, but certainly not entirely empty. Greed was tempted to cuss out the weather if he thought it would help. The snow storm had picked up a couple hours ago and there was no sign of it letting up any time soon. It didn’t normally get like this this far south, which was part of why he’d moved here. He wasn’t bothered by temperature, but snow was just an inconvenience. And it had put both Bido and Martel mostly out of commission, their reptilian parts slowing them down, and they’d retreated into their respective rooms, hiding under layers upon layers of blankets. Greed let them be. They needed to be in peak shape, after all.  
Dolcetto and Roa had both gone out to run errands for him earlier and were probably stuck in some other part of the city, and Greed only hoped they’d come back still in one piece and not frozen solid. And with the drinks and food they were supposed to get.  
All his other henchmen, chimera and otherwise, didn’t live in the actual bar, so they weren’t here, either.  
He sighed dramatically, leaning back in his bar stool and staring at the ceiling. What was he supposed to do if everyone was hiding away in their little holes? Greed hated being bored. Entertainment was just another thing he was greedy for, after all. He’d already spent a considerable amount of time sorting through his possessions, in a way that Roa always commented reminded him of a magpie decorating its nest. Even that hadn’t lasted him long, though. Another sigh. No one was even here to witness him being dramatic. He considered going up to Martel’s room and sighing in front of her instead, when there was a noise from the stairway leading up to the street. A customer? Someone interested enough in Greed’s more illicit business that they’d braved the storm to get here?  
“We’re open!” he called, “C’mon in!”  
He expected some manner of shady figure to appear, as he was used to. What he definitely hadn’t expected was a small, golden haired _child_ in just a sweater, shivering. His eyes were large and round and his face red from the cold.  
“Uh… this is a bar,” Greed said slowly.  
The kid looked around quickly before fixing his gaze on him. “S-sorry… I… I j-just…” Fuck, he seemed half-frozen to death.  
Greed jumped off his seat. “Eh, it’s fine. Not like there’s been a lot of business tonight anyway. You need a place to stick out the weather, huh?”  
The kid nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. “I… it said open on th-the door,” he explained.  
Greed looked him up and down. He was tiny. Definitely way below drinking age. His voice was high, too. He probably had parents worried for him. Or maybe not, if he’d been out dressed like this in the first place. And, well, it wasn’t like Greed had anything better to do.  
“Take a seat, squirt.”

___

The kid was still shivering. Did humans usually take this long to warm up? Greed knew that Bido and Martel were exceptions, running cold even at the best of times. This wasn’t that. But it was still… just a little concerning. Not worrying, it was just that Greed didn’t want the kid to die in his bar. He’d grown fond of this place.  
“Hey, you look like shit,” he said casually. A drink would fix this, but the kid was probably, like, five, so he wasn’t going to offer that. And people said he was immoral.  
The kid blinked at him, then huffed a laugh through clattering teeth. “I guess. It’s still cold in here.”  
Was it? Greed hadn’t noticed. He was bad with these things. He didn’t even know where to turn the heat on, one of the chimeras usually took care of that.  
“Huh,” he said, “Gimme a moment.” He slid through the door behind the bar, into the kitchen. Bido and Roa both enjoyed tea every once in a while, so they still had some stashed away. Greed put on the kettle and tried his best with the dosage of leaves, adding a bunch of honey because, hey, this was a kid, after all. Maybe he would have preferred hot milk, but that was definitely not something they had in storage.  
After a moment’s thought, Greed also took the time it took for the water to boil to sneak into Dolcetto’s room and grab one of the blankets from his pile. Seriously, the guy was using his dog quirks as an excuse for way too many things. It wasn’t like Greed brought up the homunculus thing at every turn.  
Or. Well, he did. But he was the boss, so the rules didn’t apply to him.  
He came back to the kid with the blanket slung across his arm, and a cup of steaming hot peppermint tea, setting it down on the bar in front of him.  
The kid’s eyes lit up in a way that Greed thought was positively adorable, and then he beat that part of his brain into silence as he put down the blanket as well.  
“Thanks, Mister!” The kid wrapped the blanket around himself, then brought his hands around the cup and just sat there for a moment, sighing with something like relief.  
So maybe kids weren’t even that difficult. Hah! Greed once more proved that he could handle just about anything.  
“Name’s Greed, kid,” he said, because he was feeling generous, and begun to pour himself a drink. It didn’t really do much for him, but he liked the burn, and he liked to keep his hands busy.  
“Greed?” the kid echoed, frowning for a moment. Then, he shrugged and gave him a bright smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Mister Greed. I’m Alphonse Elric.”  
Greed hummed, hands moving along the row of bottles underneath the bar. “What’s a little pipsqueak like you doing out in this weather anyway?”  
The kid – Alphonse – took a careful sip of his tea. He looked a bit sheepish. “I had a fight with my older brother. So I ran out to get some air.”  
Greed, absurdly, thought of Pride. Of being overwhelmed by shadows, choking him, immobilizing, cutting through skin where he couldn’t bring his shield up… that probably didn’t qualify as normal sibling squabbles. Still, he snorted. “Now that’s something I know a thing or two about.”  
Alphonse was looking at him with those big, greenish golden eyes. “You have an older brother?”  
Greed scoffed and leaned his side against the bar, swirling his drink in his glass. “We’re not talking anymore.”  
“Oh.” Alphonse bit his lip. “I’m sorry.”  
Greed waved him off. “Eh, it’s been a long time and he’s always been a bit of a shit.”  
Alphonse giggled. “You know, you’re not supposed to say those kinds of words around kids?”  
Greed raised his brows. “What, shit?” Alphonse giggled again. “Fuck?” Greed continued, gleeful, “Ass? Motherfucker?”  
“Stop!” Alphonse pressed his hands to his ears, but he was still laughing. “I’m not hearing this. You’re corrupting me, Mister Greed, Teacher is going to kick your ass!”  
“You said ‘ass’!” Greed pointed out helpfully.  
Alphonse brought his hands back down and smirked. “You can keep that a secret, right?”  
Now it was Greed’s turn to laugh. “Shit, kid, I think I’m starting to like you.”

___

Alphonse eventually finished his cup and his eyelids were beginning to droop, and it was still snowing far too heavily outside when Greed checked.  
“Do you have a phone?” Alphonse asked, “I don’t want everyone to worry too much.”  
It was getting late, and Greed was already mentally preparing himself to have the kid stay over. But of course his teacher would be worried. And so would his older brother, because that was what siblings were supposed to do if they weren’t actual hellspawn.  
Greed pulled out the phone they’d bought and connected only a month ago and put it on top of the bar. Alphonse picked up and dialed, and Greed was satisfied seeing that his hands weren’t shaking anymore.  
“Teacher? It’s me.”  
“Al? Where did you run off to?! And in the middle of a snowstorm, too?!” No advanced hearing necessary to catch that.  
Greed winced in sympathy as Alphonse drew his shoulders up.  
“I’m sorry, Teacher, I am, I didn’t think it’d get this bad. But I’m safe now, I swear!”  
‘Safe’ wouldn’t be a word that many others would use to describe the Devil’s Nest, and Greed couldn’t help but feel a little bit of fondness for the kid.  
“Well, good, but you’re still in trouble. Your brother’s been worried sick.” And so had she, if Greed were to make a guess. Alphonse looked even more miserable.  
“I’m sorry,” he said again, “But I’ll be home once the storm settles. Mister Greed has been very nice, he made me tea and helped me warm up, and he said he’d let me stay until it’s safe outside.”  
Greed… had said that, hadn’t he? Maybe not in so many words.  
“You’re in the _Devil’s Nest_?!” The voice was louder again, and Greed wasn’t sure if he should feel flattered that she knew of him, or worried that he’d have a very angry teacher in his bar within the next twenty minutes.  
“Is that what it’s called?” Alphonse asked, “I… yeah? I think so? It’s a bar, but there’s no one here right now, obviously, because of the storm…”  
There was a moment of hushed conversation on the other end, then, shrill and young: _“He’s in a bar?!”_  
That would be the brother, then. Greed took a sip of his second drink.  
“It’s alright, it’s not like I’m drinking.” Alphonse rolled his eyes.  
“Don’t give me that sass, young man,” the woman, Teacher, said on the other end, then sighed, “Are you sure you don’t want me to come get you?”  
Alphonse looked to Greed. “No, it’s alright, it’s really bad out there.”  
“I survived for an entire month in the Briggs mountains!” Teacher replied, and Alphonse mouthed the words alongside her. Greed wondered just how often he’d heard them, and just what kind of person this ‘Teacher’ was. Briggs was said to be a hellhole full of nothing but ice and giant bears. Not to mention the military.  
“I’m fine, I promise,” Alphonse said again, “And Mister Greed doesn’t mind.”  
There was a murmur that even Greed’s ears needed to strain to pick up. Something like: “… be the death of me.” Then, clearer, “Alright. Take care of yourself. Remember what I taught you.”  
Alphonse made a sound of agreement. “At least it was me and not Ed, right? He’d have been kicked out instantly.”  
Teacher laughed, and they said their goodbyes, and Alphonse hung up the phone.  
“You made me sound way nicer than I am, kid,” Greed pointed out, leaning over the bar.  
Alphonse smiled at him. “That was just so Teacher doesn’t show up and murder you.”  
How reassuring.  
The trouble with Greed was that, once he considered something his possession, he didn’t let go of it. It wasn’t in his nature.  
And that damn Alphonse Elric was just too sweet a kid to not keep an eye out for him. Dublith could be rough, after all, and Greed couldn’t go around letting people hurt his things, now could he?

___

The storm, unfortunately, lasted until well into the night. Late enough to have Alphonse nodding off in his chair until Greed nudged him and ordered him to take one of the couches in the back of the room. He was definitely _not_ far enough gone to already be thinking about giving the kid a bed for the night. He was _Greed_ , goddammit.  
Besides, Alphonse was small enough to fit on the couch just fine, and he curled up with his back to the room, tugging his blankets tighter around himself, and started snoring very quietly, and Greed just ended up watching for a little while.  
“Hiya, boss, we’re back!” The voice cut through the silence impossibly louder than the actual spoken words were. Greed shushed Dolcetto instinctively, but Alphonse was already stirring on the couch.  
The chimera came down the last steps into the room, followed closely by Roa who was lugging around a bag hopefully filled with the drink refills Greed had sent them out to buy.  
“Uh. Is that…” Dolcetto lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “Is that a kid?”  
Greed gave him a look. “Actually, that’s a couch.” He rolled his eyes when no one laughed. “Yes, it’s a fuckin’ kid. And you woke him up, great job, dumbass.”  
“Mister Greed?” Alphonse was sitting up, and he stretched his arms over his head with a yawn, then looked at the two chimeras. Luckily, they looked mostly normal. Bido would have been a problem. “Has the storm calmed down?”  
“Apparently,” Greed said, “If these lazy fucks are here.”  
“I resent that,” Roa said, setting the bag down on the bar and beginning to pull out bottle after bottle, replacing the ones they’d emptied over the past week or so.  
Dolcetto was still just kind of standing there, apparently trying to process that Greed had let a kid into the bar.  
Greed stood and slapped a hand on the dog chimera’s shoulder. “What’cha think? Cute little bugger, isn’t he?”  
Dolcetto turned incredulous eyes on him, and Greed snickered.  
“… seems fine to me,” was the answer he got after a moment, reluctant as it was. Good. Greed nodded to himself. It was always safer to double check with Dolcetto’s canine instincts. Even when it came to children.  
“Looks like you can head out, then, kid.” Greed waved towards the door. “I won’t even charge you for the tea.”  
Alphonse gave him a look that said clearly that he’d already seen through his shit, and that was impressive for only the few hours they’d known each other. Normally it took people a couple weeks.  
“Uh, boss.” Dolcetto frowned. “It’s the middle of the night, and this isn’t exactly the safest part of town, are you- are those my blankets?”  
“Technically they’re mine,” Greed pointed out, even as Dolcetto moved over to gather up the blankets Alphonse had shed and wrap them up in his arms. Ridiculous. Chimeras were ridiculous, one and all.  
“Fuck off,” Dolcetto said, burying his nose in the bundle of fabric. It probably smelled like human now. Was that a problem? Greed never knew how much any of them played into their animal instincts when it was convenient, and when it was actually out of their control.  
“Anyway.” Greed rolled his eyes at the dog chimera and looked to Alphonse. “You can take care of yourself, right, kid?”  
Alphonse shifted. “I mean, probably?” His voice went up way too high at the end of that statement. The kid frowned, lowering his gaze thoughtfully. “I can fight if I need to, and I know alchemy.”  
An alchemist, huh? Damn, if Greed had known that sooner, he would have roped the kid into doing some repair work around the bar and adjoining hideout. Maybe he could track him down and ask for a favor later on. Alphonse was dead on his feet, still. Kids weren’t supposed to be up this late, were they?  
Greed let out an exaggerated sigh. That was what he got for wishing his boredom away. “Alright, fine. Come on, I’m walking you back home. Could use some fresh air anyway.”  
Alphonse gave him a tired smile, and Greed resolutely ignored the way it made him feel a little too warm.

___

He ended up dropping off the boy outside the butcher shop he’d lead Greed to. Because, while not afraid of many things, Greed was well-informed and not a total dumbass. Putting two and two together got him to the realization that ‘Teacher’ was fucking Izumi Curtis, and the reason why there wasn’t a ton of criminal activity in this part of town.  
Greed did have a strong survival instinct. He patted Alphonse on the back and sent him off, hoping silently that there would be no follow-up to this very odd night.  
Now if only fate hadn’t had it out for him from day one.


End file.
